Ballad of the Security Guard

Since I haven’t been very inspired lately, someone told me to just post something older, so here you go from the Summer of 1992.

(hey, I have to have ‘something’ to do while I’m working, right?….)

Listen to me people, I’ve got somethin’ to say
’bout how I spend my time and earn my hard-earned pay
I wake up just about the time you have your evening meals
Then it’s off to do a job that hardly even pays the bills

I’m a protector of the rich, I’m an oppressor of the poor
If they give me any problems, I just throw ’em out the door
Spend half my time a’ looking for trouble that don’t seem to exist,
the other half trying to decide – Coke or Mr. Pibb?

I’m a security guard … I’m a security guard
No braver man than I, my duty’s never done
I’m a security guard

They never give us guns or any weapons but our wits
Expect us to rely upon our cunning, skill, and guts
If you find that you’ve a problem, don’t call me – I don’t care
Don’t wanna move my butt from outta my comfortable chair

I try to keep myself amused, but I find it’s such a bore
It’s all that I can do to keep from walking out the door
It’s a challenge to keep the bad guys and conspirators at bay,
but the real tough part is to stay awake until the light of day

I’m a security guard … I’m a security guard
I have no social life, I’m on the edge of poverty
I’m a security guard

(yes) I’m a security guard … I’m a security guard
I subsist on sugar and salt, caffeine and cholesterol
I’m a security guard

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